But…I don’t have a wrench!

14 Nov

It should first be noted that I am not exactly a newbie when it comes to furniture construction. I started building original pieces when I was twelve. I can even use power tools! But when I drop money at IKEA, I really do expect that the most I’ll have to wrestle with is an allen wrench. No hammers. No screwdrivers. Just a good, honest, reliable allen wrench. And that’s if I can’t get it together with my bare hands.

I recently moved, which was a complete ordeal in and of itself. My apartment is the second floor of a duplex, and all the stairs are treacherous in the same way I imagine the endless stairs into Morder are. Yes, I just made that reference. So after nearly two weeks of hauling furniture and shuffling things around, I finally had time to make my trip to IKEA to grab those missing elements.

Happily, there’s an IKEA right in my metro. It’s just across the street from the monstrosity that is the Mall of America. (Sorry if that offended anyone out there, but I consider MoA to be the tenth ring of Hell. Dante missed it, understandably. They didn’t have malls back then.) So after spending a good chunk of my Sunday wandering through display after display, knocking into people with my cart and trying to avoid running down toddlers (who lets their toddler loose in IKEA?), not to mention pleading with my boyfriend not to ride the dolly through the warehouse, I was ready to come back and deal with something easy.

Imagine my horror, then, when I discovered that all of the furniture I purchased required additional tools. I need a hammer for my coffee table. A wrench for the bar stools and the floor lamps. A screwdriver for the desk! Now, I do have a toolbox, and it contains all of those tools. Where is the toolbox? Your guess is as good as mine. I haven’t managed to unearth it yet, and there’s a good chance it ended up in a box that got sent home with my mother after the last move.

So here I sit, surrounded by boxes full of furniture I cannot assemble, having totally given up on productivity for the evening. I’ll try again, once I’ve salvaged the necessary tools from my sister and rebuilt a little bit of the determination I had earlier today. Unpacking is miserable, but there is nothing better than looking around and knowing you’re settled in, down to the last box.

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One Response to “But…I don’t have a wrench!”

  1. Jen Barry November 14, 2011 at 3:41 am #

    I once put together an entertainment center, starting with the top. I used the wrong screws and attached it upside down to the hardwood floors. True story.

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